Real Talks

Have you heard or seen the news lately? With instantaneous news through traditional means and through other avenues such as social media, it’s hard to filter the news our kids are receiving day in and day out. Much of the news has been riddled with violence and the strongly debated political issues of our current times. With the talk of terrorism, gun control, and safety, how do our kids process the mainstream media? Undoubtedly, our children struggle with uncertainty and how this relates to their immediate world. This uncertainty can also cause unwanted anxiety as kids attempt to process what they see and hear around them. There is no “perfect” script to follow as we help our children process what they see and hear; however, there are definitely some strategies we can employ in talking with our kids about news. PBS Parents provides tips for “Talking with Kids About News” and also breaks down the topic in more defined age groups.

Children, particularly, may wonder if similar tragedies can impact them or their families. “They also interpret the news in personal ways. For example, when young children watch or listen to news reports about crime, bombings, and hurricanes, they may worry about their own safety. Because young children are not able to fully understand cause and effect and distance, it’s hard for them to make distinctions between an immediate threat and one that is far away,” states Diane Levin Ph.D. When children have listened to or been exposed to disturbing news, some may remain unaffected while others may exhibit signs of stress. Per the American Psychological Association, signs of stress may include:

• Nightmares or inability to sleep

• Aggressive behavior

• Separation anxiety

• The development of new fears

• Sadness and/or anger

• Loss of interest in routine activities

• Struggle to concentrate

• Somatic complaints (i.e. stomachaches, fatigue)

• Irritability

• Decline in school work

If excessive fear, anxiety, or other signs of stress linger in the weeks after a tragedy, this may be a signal that your child needs further help via his/her pediatrician or counseling services.

We all need to be mindful of our children and their exposure to news and current events. Although it may be in an adult’s nature to repeatedly tune-in to these events, we must consider the impact the news may have on our children. For healthy development, our children need to feel safe and secure and minimizing the amount of news a child receives and/or discussing the event(s) at an age-appropriate level will prove to be helpful in our children feeling more secure.

October is National Bully Prevention month, a time for a renewed focus on bullying---the identification, response, and prevention of bullying. Through our One Voice, One Choice alliance, our student members created the message It’sUp2U. In expanding on this message, the idea is truly the following:  It’s up to me. It’s up to you. It’s up to all of us to make a difference in the lives of others and our community.

How do schools, parents, and the community teach kids to appropriately interact with others in daily life and through the use of their electronic devices?  All can be a part of educating our children and youth in understanding acceptable behaviors, differences in others, solving conflicts, and managing emotions.

With a shared responsibility, we must come together to teach our kids about:

• Kindness, compassion, and respect

• How one’s actions make other people feel

• Controlling one’s aggression

• Why bullying is hurtful

• Sensitivity and understanding

• Empathy, tolerance, and awareness

When it comes to bullying, it might be easy to say, “My kid would never do that.” One of the best programs this year on bullying, was the Dateline episode, “My Kid Would Never Do That: Bullying.” In this Dateline story, parents watch on hidden camera how their kids respond to bullies (actors) in person and online.  In this feature, there is also a twist where parents witness a bullying situation while being filmed on hidden camera, as well. In the middle of bullying situations, the bystanders quickly realize what is happening, and they recognize the bullying taking place. The participants, for the most part, are clearly uncomfortable with what’s occurring. The responses, however, will vary with each participant. The kids and adults alike are faced with the following thoughts/decisions:

• Should I intervene?
• What would I say?
• Will I become the target of the bullying instead?
• Do I join in on the bullying?
• How will others view me if I say something?

The question: Do you really know how you would respond in such situations?

With peer pressure, our kids may have difficulty making decisions in intense times when they witness bullying in person or online. Under pressure, does a kid succumb to being a part of the bullying, does he/she speak up, or does he/she remain silent? We may think we know how our kids will respond, but again, under pressure, our kids may/may not respond as we would think.

To combat bullying in our schools and community, our kids must recognize the signs of true bullying and what to do when bullying occurs.  When bullying occurs at school, at a school-sponsored activity, or on a school vehicle (i.e. a school bus), students should report incidences in a timely manner to teachers, counselors, principals, and/or other District personnel.  This information, in turn, is shared with campus administration. The report can be made via one of many avenues:

1. Reported  directly to the teacher, counselor, principal, and/or other District personnel

2. Submitted online anonymously via the NISD Tip Line.

3. Texted to 274637. NISD must be the first word in the body of the Tipster’s text. Tipsters should be as descriptive as possible including the following information: who, what, when, how, campus, etc.

 

Our kids must be taught to not be a bystander but to report bullying when it is witnessed. Being silent is not the solution to resolving bullying as it takes everyone coming together to protect others.  Unfortunately, negative messages often travel more quickly, and our kids must learn to not perpetuate this negativity through written, verbal, and/or electronic means.  Our kids need to identify true bullying and know how to get help for themselves or someone else who is experiencing intentional harm or repeated intimidation from others.

Because others are different does not make it OK to harass or bully them. Our kids must be taught by all that bullying others because of their differences or for any other reason is unacceptable!  We must teach our kids empathy, tolerance, and awareness.  Each individual has a voice, and we must join together to say no to bullying and harassing others!

At school, the message with faculty, staff, and students has been, “it’s 2U.” This message originated from our One Voice, One Choice student group and simply means, “It’s up to me. It’s up to you. It’s up to ALL of us to be proactive in recognizing warning signs in others when they may be struggling or need help.” District wide, through “the campaign to change direction,” our faculty and staff were trained on the five signs that someone may be struggling. Additionally, this same type of message was shared with our secondary students at both the middle school and high school levels. Sometimes adults and kids alike recognize when someone is struggling and may not know what the next step is. Our school counselors work together with parents/guardians to support our kids and to find needed assistance.

Often when individuals are struggling emotionally, they are afraid to say or to speak up about their feelings/concerns, or perhaps, they may not even recognize the severity of their struggles. In society, emotional or mental health struggles also can be falsely attached to stigmatization more often than physical health issues. As a school and a community, again, we must recognize the signs and help people find the necessary support. Do you know the signs? Downloadable signs, posters, and website images are available for you to use in your office, school, church, gym, or local hangout.

As a parent, it can be difficult to know where to turn to find additional support. Contacting the family physician and one’s insurance company (if available) can be one of the first steps; however, in the event of an emergency, dial 911 or go to a hospital. If contacting your insurance company regarding mental health care for a child or loved one, the insurance company may only approve certain mental health care providers, and this may help narrow your search from the start. Online databases also exist to help find mental health care by location (zip code), specialization, insurance, etc. The following websites/resources are for informational purposes only and are not NISD endorsed.

Psychology Today - detailed professional listings for psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, group therapy and treatment centers in the United States and Canada.

The search can be narrowed by location, issue, age, sexuality, language, religious preference, treatment orientation, insurance accepted, etc.

Theravive - a network of licensed and professional clinical counselors, therapists, and psychologists

The search can be narrowed by zip/city and specialty. Workshops, seminars, or events can also be found by topic, location, etc.

Some area hospitals and other resources available to your family include:

Crisis Intervention Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Spanish

1-800-273-TALK (8255) 1-888-628-9454

The focus of our District’s K-12 guidance lesson this month is on child/sexual abuse. Providing preventive programming in this area is mandated by the State of Texas for all schools to help in protecting our children. Specifically, the topic of sexual abuse is of a sensitive nature and will be discussed with elementary students in terms of personal body safety. Counselors will use age-appropriate terminology such as “private parts” or “body parts covered by a swimsuit.”

In Texas, sexual abuse cases constitute 68% of the total reported cases of abuse. With this alarming statistic, we must do our part, as parents and educators, to protect our children from child predators. One might believe that most children are molested by strangers. This, however, is a myth. In reality, 85-95% of children are molested by a known perpetrator and not a stranger. Typically, the offender has access to your child and has worked to build trust with him/her.

Please partner with us in talking to your kids about the prevention of child and sexual abuse. Our children need to know what appropriate touches are and to recognize when inappropriate behavior is occurring. They CAN SAY NO if someone is touching them inappropriately. Children must understand the abuser could be ANY adult close to him/her and to not be afraid to tell if this type of behavior occurs. Please see the resource links below to provide further information on child and sexual abuse.  

Statistics

Prevention techniques

Warning signs of child abuse

Specific warning signs of possible sexual abuse

Myths about child sexual abuse

How to respond to an outcry of abuse

Child/sexual abuse resources

During the month of March, Northwest ISD guidance was focused on internet safety, including the topics of cyber-bullying and sexting (at the secondary levels). The age appropriate curriculum utilized for these topics included presentations and/or lessons from NetSmartz and Common Sense Media. The Northwest ISD Guidance and Counseling Department also hosted Aisha Saleem, Assistant US Attorney for the Northern District of Texas, and Special Agent Johnson from Homeland Security, who spoke to all Medlin Middle School students and all Pike Middle School students in an assembly on these topics. Students were engaged and listening during Ms. Saleem’s and Ms. Johnson’s presentations and the feedback received regarding the assemblies was very positive. 

In addition to teaching our kids to use electronic devices to communicate safely and appropriately with those they know, they must beware of those they do not know potentially “lurking” online, too. As you know, online child predators are very real and look for the opportunity to connect with our kids. As a reminder and a resource, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) provides a publication titled, “A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety.” This publication addresses the following questions:

• What are signs that your child might be at risk online?

• What should you do if you suspect your child is communicating with a sexual predator online?

• What can you do to minimize the chances of an online exploiter victimizing your child?

FBI Internet Safety 

In addition to instructing our kids regarding online predators, we must also help our kids to understand the potential permanency of what is posted online. Helping our kids to understand their digital footprints is of utmost importance. Information, including words, pictures, and videos, can be saved via a “screen shot,” and even retrieved, if necessary. Our older kids must know that colleges and employers may search social media (or connect with them via social media). Their digital behavior may be evaluated for college admission purposes, scholarships, and even job opportunities. The world is at our fingertips with the internet and social media; however, with this, comes social responsibility in the use of these amazing tools. Please partner with Northwest ISD in continuing “Real Talks” with our kids about internet safety and social responsibility in the use of all technology devices.

During the month of February, our guidance is focused on helping students to recognize the characteristics of healthy relationships. While elementary students focus on friendships, secondary students also learn to recognize signs of abusive dating relationships. Our elementary students may be involved in the discussion of making friends, differences in one another, and fluctuations in friendships/relationships. Despite what type of friendship or relationship, there are key components of all healthy relationships. Please join us in helping our kids understand healthy relationships by engaging in further “Real Talks” at home.

Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust involving communication, respect, and supportiveness. In balanced friendships, friends will respect your boundaries and feelings and will encourage you rather than put you down. Friendships, however, may involve conflict, and this does not mean that friends will always part ways. Our kids also must be taught how to resolve conflict in a healthy way:

• Set boundaries – establish what is acceptable and what is not

• Identify the “real” issue – sometimes there are underlying reasons an argument has occurred; what is the “real” issue at hand

•  Agree to Disagree – When it comes to some issues, friends have to understand they may not always agree on everything and may have to compromise when possible. Issues, however, that compromise one’s values and beliefs, may cause one to evaluate the depth of the friendship/relationship and at what level he/she wants to remain in the friendship/relationship.

As kids grow older, they often spend even more time with friends and may start to form dating relationships. Although relationships with friends and boyfriends/girlfriends typically start on a positive note, they can sometimes spiral downwards out of control. This is when kids may need our help to recognize what is “healthy or normal” and the signs of abuse. Signs of abuse (www.loveisrespect.org) can include:

• Checking one’s cell phone or e-mail without permission

• Constantly putting the other person down

• Extreme jealousy or insecurity

• Explosive temper

• Isolating one from family or friends

• Making false accusations

• Mood swings

• Physically hurting the person

• Possessiveness

• Telling one what to do

One in three young people report he/she has experienced a form of dating violence. The abuse may be occurring in your child’s own relationship, or he/she may recognize signs in another’s relationship. Either way, the affected individual needs a support system. This may involve planning to ensure one’s safety at home, school, work, and/or in the community.

More information and ways to obtain help can be found via the following sites (not NISD sponsored):

www.loveisrespect.org

www.dcfof.org (Denton County Friends of the Family)

www.womenscentertc.org (The Women’s Center of Tarrant County, Inc.)

www.achservices.org (ACH Child and Family Services)

Crisis and Suicide Prevention and Intervention

October brings about the national Red Ribbon campaign, and therefore, guidance and activities this month are centered on being healthy and drug-free. Continuing to talk to our kids about the presence of drugs and their negative effects is imperative.  Many may think their kids will not be impacted by drugs or alcohol; however, the truth is kids of all walks of life can be influenced by these substances.  Statistics even show children are starting to use substances younger than ever, particularly between the ages of 11 and 13.  Please join our counselors and staff in the fight against drugs by engaging in “Real Talks” with your kids.

Some factors place children and teens at an even greater risk of developing drug and alcohol problems:

• Drug or alcohol use at an early age - 90% of individuals who experience addiction started using in the teen years or prior

• Family history of drug/alcohol problems

• Existing mental health problems

• Associating with friends who use drugs and alcohol

• Traumatic events

• Impulse control problems

There is a clear connection between adolescent drug and alcohol use and unhealthy, risky behaviors including:

• Unprotected, unplanned, unwanted sexual activity

• Victim or perpetrator of violence

• Impaired motor vehicle driving/passenger

• Poor academic performance and possibly dropping out

• Involvement with the juvenile justice system

• Engaging in other risky behaviors while impaired

How Parents Can Help in Preventing Drug Abuse

Your kids DO listen to you, and they DO NOT want to disappoint you!

• Establish and maintain good communication with your children.

• Get involved in your children’s lives.

• Make clear rules and enforce them consistently.

• Be a positive role model.

• Help your children choose friends wisely.

• Talk to your children about drugs. Kids who continue to learn about the risks of drugs at home are up to 50% less likely to use drugs than those who are not taught about these dangers.

For more information on PREVENTION

A resource for if you think your child is using

Drug Free Resources

Parent Toolkit

Resources for Parents

Substance Abuse Assessments and Treatment

NISD does not endorse any of the following contacts.  They are for informational purposes only.

• Excel Center – Arlington, Ft. Worth, and Lewisville
• Lena Pope Home – Ft. Worth
• North Texas Addiction – Ft. Worth
• Phoenix House – Dallas
• Right Step – Euless
• Springwood – Bedford
• Sundance – Arlington
• Timberlawn – Dallas
• University Behavioral Health – Denton
• Valley Hope – Grapevine
• Viveri Youth Services – Richardson

Last month, October, contained two national campaigns: the National Bully Prevention Month and Red Ribbon Week (substance abuse awareness/prevention). To ensure both topics receive ample guidance time, our counselors continued the celebration of Red Ribbon Week on our campuses in October and will focus on bully prevention (K-12) in the month of November. As a parent, you may already be aware that bullying occurs through many facets: written, verbal, physical, emotional, and even electronic means. 

Bullying involves (or may involve) physically harming another student, damaging a student’s property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of harm. Bullying can also be described as behavior that is sufficiently severe, persistent, and pervasive enough that the action or threat creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for a student. The behavior exploits an imbalance of power between the victim and perpetrator. Other actions further described as bullying may include hazing, threats, teasing, confinement, assault, name calling, and rumor spreading.

To understand and prevent bullying, exploring the idea of why students bully is helpful. Some “reasons” kids bully are due to:

• The feeling of power over others (gain social status)

• Misunderstanding differences

• Craving attention

• Family learned behavior

• Their own low self-esteem

• Copying behavior seen in TV shows/movies/video games

How do schools, parents, and the community teach kids to appropriately interact with others in daily life and through the use of their electronic devices? All can be a part of educating our children and youth in understanding acceptable behaviors, differences in others, solving conflicts, and managing emotions.  Beginning in elementary school, students are taught how words can be hurtful and how negative actions make other people feel. As children grow, they must continue to learn self-control in their words, emotions, and actions.   

Children initially learn to see others through their own “lenses.” Through these lenses, others are judged based on their own frame of reference or opinions and perspectives. In the beginning, a child’s frame of reference is formed by family values, culture, background, and life experiences. As children attend school and venture other places, they begin to see how others may differ in many aspects including: race, ethnicity, religion, appearances, physical abilities, gender, disabilities, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, and traditions. Because others are different does not make it OK to harass or bully them. Our kids must be taught by all that bullying others because of their differences or for any other reason is unacceptable! We must teach our kids empathy, tolerance, and awareness. 

To combat bullying in our schools and community, our kids must recognize the signs of true bullying and what to do when bullying occurs. When bullying occurs at school, at a school-sponsored activity, or on a school vehicle (i.e. a school bus), students should report incidences in a timely manner to teachers, counselors, principals, and/or other District personnel. This information, in turn, is shared with campus administration. The report can be made directly to the professional or can be submitted online via an NISD Tip Line. The eAlert icon can be found on the homepage of any campus’ website.

Our kids must be taught to not be a bystander but to report bullying when it is witnessed. Being silent is not the solution to resolving bullying as it takes everyone coming together to protect others. Unfortunately, negative messages often travel more quickly, and our kids must learn to not perpetuate this negativity through written, verbal, and/or electronic means. Our kids need to identify true bullying and know how to get help for themselves or someone else who is experiencing intentional harm or repeated intimidation from others.

Parents, our schools, and the community must come together to teach our kids about:

• Kindness, compassion, and respect

• How one’s actions make other people feel

• Controlling one’s aggression

• Why bullying is hurtful

• Sensitivity and understanding

• And again, empathy, tolerance, and awareness

Each individual has a voice, and we must join together to say no to bullying and harassing others!

References include: www.tolerance.org, and www.schoolcounselor.org.

The online resources below and the content within the sites are not endorsed by Northwest ISD. These links are provided as resources for further information.

September’s guidance focuses on suicide prevention as this coincides with the national suicide prevention month. While our secondary students focus on how to request help for themselves or a friend, our elementary students focus on a topic more age appropriate, “Making Healthy Choices.” Please consider engaging your child in these same topics of conversation at home.

For parents of elementary students, the emphasis with our lower elementary grades is to identify feelings, to talk about them and discuss ways to deal with our feelings. In upper elementary, our guidance further stresses coping strategies and solutions. Coping in this case is defined as working through difficulty in positive ways. Life may bring a series of ups and downs and teaching our children how to cope with life-changing events is of utmost importance. Life-changing events for elementary-aged children may include losing a relative or a family pet, moving, or parents divorcing. Developing resiliency in our kids when they are young will prepare them with greater coping skills as they enter youth.

In supporting suicide prevention at the secondary level, we have encouraged our youth to tell a trusted adult if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts themselves or if they recognize suicidal symptoms or statements from their peers. They (or their peers) may be likely to share/post statements through social media avenues such as Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. A friend may be the first line of defense in preventing another’s death.

Suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death for 10-24 year olds. In national surveys, almost 20 percent of high school students reported thinking about suicide. Contrary to myth, talking to your child about suicide does not encourage your child to commit suicide. We can’t afford to ignore the topic with our children’s lives at stake as we may be able to help prevent suicide in our own family or in others by recognizing warning signs. Although warning signs may not always be present, they are present more often than not. Something to remember:

Suicide knows no boundaries. Suicide occurs across all age, economic, social, and ethnic boundaries. 

Some possible warning signs (arranged in the acronym, FACTS) include:

• Feelings – feelings of hopelessness, anger, worthlessness, emptiness, anxiousness, or excessive worry
• Actions – actions including trying to get access to a gun or pills, risky or dangerous behaviors, increasing drug or alcohol use, getting into fights, making plans/final arrangements, writing or drawing about death
• Changes – change in mood, attitude, or behaviors (becoming more withdrawn, quitting activities, skipping classes, change in grades, change in habits)
• Threats – threats or verbal statements such as 1) I’m tired of living. 2) I’m going to kill myself. 3) You won’t have me around much longer to bother you. Other statements made in social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram)
• Situation(s) – situations may serve as a trigger for suicide. Your child’s coping skills may be challenged, and therefore, he/she may not see a viable solution. Situations that may cause added stress include: loss (family divorce, health problems, economic problems)or death; getting in trouble at home, school or with the law; a break-up such as with a boyfriend/girlfriend; impending changes or uncertainty for your child.

Talking Points

• Talk to your son/daughter in a calm and non-accusatory way; interact in positive ways

• Encourage your child to come to you when he/she (or one of his/her friends) is having thoughts of hurting or killing him/herself

• Let him/her know you care about and love him/her

• Convey how important he/she is to you

• Focus on your concern for his/her well-being

• Make statements that convey you have empathy for his/her stress

• Recognize when you need to seek professional help for your child

In cases of emergency, dial 911 or go to a hospital.

Most area mental health hospitals provide a free suicide risk assessment to assist in determining the level of care your child may need.

Some area resources available to your family include

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 

1-800-273-TALK (8255) 

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Red Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio

1-888-628-9454 

prevenciondelsuicidio.org 

Suicide and Crisis Center of North Texas (Dallas, Tarrant, and Denton counties) 866-672-5100

Denton County MHMR 800-762-0157

Helen Farabee Regional MHMR (Wise County) 800-621-8504

Following a traumatic event or news of violence, children may need adult support processing their emotions. The resources listed below, from leading child support entities, provide families with guidance on how to talk to children about these types of sensitive conversations.

• Age-Related Reactions to a Traumatic Event from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
• Talking to Children about the Shooting from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
• Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers from the National Association of School Psychologists
• Talking to Children About Violence – Infographic in English from the National Association of School Psychologists
• Talking to Children About Violence – Infographic in Spanish from the National Association of School Psychologists
• Helping Children Cope After a Traumatic Event: A Recovery Guide for Parents, Teachers and Community Leaders from the Child Mind Institute
• Helping Children Cope After a Traumatic Event – in Spanish from the Child Mind Institute